Labor Day.

It is the end of summer.  It is the end of, what could have been - or with some other perspective was the worst summer of my life.

I was sick from April 29-July 17, it was horrible.  During that time I could do nothing but lay around on the couch - or near a pool (the pool HAD to be near a bathroom for my random spurts of vomiting and such).  I could get on my knees and thank God so very much for providing me with the most amazing support group.  Jessica Longenecker who sat on my couch with me for countless hours watching mindless television because she knew I just needed company.  Annie Logan, for lounging in and near her pool because she knew that all that I really wanted (and really needed) was vitamin D and good company.  Katy Hoyt and Christi Milliken for making me get out of the house for trivia nights and other random adventures because they knew that I needed to continue socializing, otherwise I would shrivel up in my own depression.  Raymond Phillips for catering to me, worrying about me, and letting me not work or go to school because he knew better than I even knew - that I needed to heal emotionally.  Megan White, and all of my Le Peep ladies who would just sit with me for entire days at a time talking with me about Dominic and crying with me, and researching as much as we could - trying to figure out what was wrong with me.  Anneke Haas who cooked for me, every Wednesday night because she knew that I needed to eat.

After July 17th I was able to enjoy 3 weeks of summer.  I went to my uncles pool at least 3 times a week to talk with my cousin and heal.  I was able to hang out with Glenn Mead before he left for Hawaii.  I pretty much stole all of his time - and he let me.

I have started school and have gone back to work, but it is today that summer is "officially" over.  And as I reflect on what, truly, could have been the worst summer ever, I realize that it may have been the best.  Because of this illness and loss - I have been able to reflect on my life and do serious self examination and have grown more than I have ever thought to believe possible.

I am a Phoenix who did dare to rise up from the ash.  And I am proud.

I went to the beach today.  I have gone a lot since I have been diagnosed and am able to not shit my pants all of the time.  It's quite lovely (not shitting my pants AND going to the beach).  Today, I went with Leslie.  We were there for quite some time and it was beautiful out.  We swam for a very long time, then just passed out on our towels.  On the drive home we listened to some very nostalgic music.  We talked of Matt and cried a little.  We took the scenic route, so it's pretty safe to say that this was, indeed, the best trip to the beach this summer.

I arrived home and Ray was already at work.  It was 5pm and the dishes were done (which is the direct route to my heart).  I began cooking (which is a very new and fun hobby of mine).  I cooked in the quiet house and chatted with Beatrice.  Once dinner was done, I sat to watch a movie.  30 minutes in my mother calls to see if I wanted to drive up to the girls campsite this evening.  I had just settled in for the evening so I declined the invite and had extended an invite for my mother to come watch movies with me.  She accepted and is on her way over now.

Tomorrow morning Katy and I are going for a very long walk to kick off our Labor Day weekend.  Half way through the walk, we will stop at Jamba Juice because I have just discovered my love for it and it is, basically, the only way you can get me up and walking butt early on a Saturday morning.

Dominic would have been 5 months old today.  I can not believe it has been 5 months since I've seen that face.  I still miss him so much.