The snow is finally sticking.  I am not sure how I feel about that.

Christmas has come and gone and I was caught a little off guard by the apathetic feeling it provided.  I was not anticipating it.  It is odd, actually.  The days prior to Christmas/my birthday, I thought it would be my birthday that I would not care about.  Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed Christmas - it was just  blanketed with with really dull, heavy feeling.  I suppose that is to be expected.  Not to mention two of the million pregnant friends that I have gave birth on Christmas.  Meh, I just really had to shake it off.

Aside from my insides being a little sad, the two days of Christmas festivities were really nice.  I am pretty sure everyone loved the gifts that they got, which pleases me greatly.  I received a ton of kitchen stuff that I had wanted, which makes me really excited to re-paint the kitchen/dining room.  You know you're officially old when you ask for a toaster, microwave, garlic press, and wok for Christmas.

I turned 31 yesterday and it was a good day.  I woke up and had breakfast with a friend that was home for the holidays.  We had great conversation and it was really refreshing to see her again.  After breakfast we went to a book store because she wanted to get me a book for my birthday.  The book is called Heaven Is For Real.  I came home immediately and began to read.  It is a great book and it was especially nice to read for leisure rather than for obligation.  Ray had already given me my birthday gift (well, not really, I totally opened the box when it was delivered to the house before Ray was home from work.  he wasn't really happy about it, but I couldn't wait!) so I wasn't expecting anything more from him.  Ray got home from work and had another gift for me, which was a gift bag full of everything that I love.  He is such a gentleman.

The new year is approaching and I couldn't be happier.  Ray and I are both working, so we won't be partaking in any of the festivities.  I would rather this year just end, and not really celebrate anything.  I am excited for the year to be over.

Our Gatlinburg trip is the end of January and I am going to Los Angeles mid Febuary.  I am excited to travel again.  I feel like it has been forever.  We have heard that Gatlinburg is beautiful in January.  The package that we originally bought for October is much more costly than the package in January and, because so, we get an extra day.  Mike is unable to go now, so Sean and Cyndi are on the bill.  We're going to have so much fun.

Our house is a total wreck.  We must clean today and do a ton of laundry.  My vacation ends today, and what perfect way to celebrate by cleaning.

Christmas and Birthday gift to myself.

I got a new tattoo.  I am surprised that it did not hurt nearly as bad as I had anticipated.  Whenever it became a bit uncomfortable, I just remembered how painful childbirth was and how much more painful losing my baby was.  I  barely even winced.  This is dangerous because now I want so much more.  I was so weary about the placement on my body.  Initially I wanted it on my ribs.  The more that I thought of it, the more I realized that I am far too self conscious about my belly, so I did not want to get something in a place in which I would have to constantly be lifting up my shirt.  The inside of my arm was the best location that I could think of.  First, because I would not have to lift up my shirt.  Secondly, because I didn't want it so visible that people would constantly be asking me about it.  When my arm is down, you can barely see it.  I am still waiting on Buddy's paw prints, those will be on the back of the same arm as Dominic.  These were the two first true loves that I have ever known.  A love that exceeds all conditions, a love of complete selflessness.  Unfortunately, these are the two loves that I have lost.   

I earned a 4.0 last semester and a 3.8 this semester.  That was in the worst year of my life.  Take that, 2011, you little bitch.

One.last.final.

I have been at Annie's since 9am studying for our trial court final. It will only be considered difficult because we do not have exams, only finals. And also because it is a ton of information and legal jargon. But to me, it's fun so I know I'll do well. I forgot to fill out my evaluation for this class which prevents me from getting 10 extra points, but I don't think I'll need them.

We leave in 30 minutes to take it. I cannot wait for it to be over. After this I just have to present my art project tomorrow and I can say goodbye to my junior year. Huzzah!

I'm going to fist pump so hard.

I talk to myself and my animals far too frequently.

I like the background to my blog.  I wish it were my house.  Minus the chilled feeling you get when you look at it.  I like candles and smelly stuff.  It makes my home super cozy and warm. I had an old timey phone once, it was awesome.  It was white and gold - victorian.  It doesn't work anymore and I don't have a house phone either, so I guess it doesn't matter.  Growing up I had a creepy old timey phone mounted on my kitchen wall.  I wish we still had that.  I'd rock that shit so hard in my family room. 

I was over - the - top excited for Christmas last night.  I came home from class and lit all of my candles and turned all of my Scentsy stuff on.  It smelled like a winter wonderland.  I began baking cookies and pulled all of our Christmas stuff out.  I found Christmas songs on our Apple TV and pulled out our Christmas tree.  I could not find the stand.  I looked everywhere in panic.  I never found it.  Sadly, I put all of our Christmas shit back.  I was super bummed.  My cookies (gluten free/sugar free/ oatmeal, quinoa, raison cookies) came out of the oven and they sucked too.  I ended up playing solitare on my phone the rest of the night.  Because, well.... fuck it.

It all was way more comical than I describe.  Sometimes I feel like my life should be a reality show.  I would make millions.  I am sure I looked utterly insane tearing my house a part trying to find the stand while talking to myself.  That, and the part where I yelled at then had a heart to heart with my cats because they have been fighting a lot lately.  I mean, it's Christmas.  We should all get along and Cooper is simply far too mean to Stella, god dammit. 

I cannot express the gratitude that I have for my beloved.  Every day I wake up with more appreciation for him than the day before.  The more I reflect on the past seven months of my life, the more that I realize just how lucky I truly am to have him in my life.  I listen to this song every day in my car and simply cannot believe that he and I, together, overcame the most devastating, traumatic event to ever have happen to an individual.  I am truly blessed.  He carried me through the entire process, and still continues to today.  I am eternally grateful.

On another note; this is a song that I sing to him almost every day.  He has no idea the song, so - since he reads this, I shall post the video.

Super random.  I know.

Not much else to report.  Christmas is in 20 days and I am pretty excited.  I am mostly excited to not have school for some time.  I am not stressing about money or about Christmas gifts, which is unusual.  It must be the anti-depressants.  Meh.  I'll take it.

Ray got me a beautiful ring for Christmas, I wish I had a picture to share.  I have not received this gift yet, I've only seen photos, but believe me, it's pretty great.  I cannot wait for Ray to open his gifts from me and my family.  He is being spoiled, yet again.  

Annie's birthday was this weekend and we had a blast.  I have pictures, but for some reason the iMac isn't allowing me to upload them, which is totally lame.  

My sister got a 10 week old Shih Tzu puppy for her birthday.  She came named already, Tegan.  It is a match made in heaven.  She's super adorable and is going to be Beatrice's best friend.  

My mom reunited with an old friend.  He's a man and is super nice to her.  She insists they're just friends, but I am just pleased that she has a companion, in whatever capacity.  

I had a chance to talk with Liz over the weekend, in person.  It was really nice.  I had missed her more than I realized.  

I had an appointment with my Endocrinologist today.  He's nice.  Hopefully my body starts to get as normal as it can and I can learn better how to manage my diabetes.  

Somedays I simply cannot believe this is now my life.  It is just so surreal.