It's July 2nd.  Dominic would have been 3 month old today.  It seems as though the days go by so quickly only to come to a complete halt on the 2nd.  Everything just stops for me. 

I have still been very sick.  I have an appointment with a GI specialist on the 7th.  They are thinking that I have Crohn's Disease.  I have researched this disease and I am pretty much the text book definition.  I have lost nearly 25 pounds.  I am a meager 120 lbs - literally soaking wet.  This morning I was at 115, but I am always able to put water weight on throughout the day to bring me to 120 - at least.  I don't feel comfortable this thin.

There is no definitive way to link this disease to pregnancy and I am currently in appeal with my Medicaid in hopes that it will cover all of my appointments, blood draws, ultra-sounds, and future appointments.  I do not think it will.  If I could link the two with validity, it may - but I am not confident that it will.

Aside from trying to feel better and really wanting to get back to work the stress of my not working and not contributing to our income is beginning to become stressful.  I cannot imagine how we would have done financially if everyone that donated money to us, hadn't. 

Medicaid and money, or lack thereof is an entire other stress that I should not be having to deal with right now.  But such is life.

Not one second goes by that I don't think about Dominic.  I miss him all of the time - it is consuming me.  It has not paralyzed me since May, so I think this is normal.  The anti-depressants are really helping.  I have finished my Spanish class and managed to do so with an A.  I earned another A from another class and only have 2 more classes to make up.  It feels good to continue on with finishing my semester.  It is, however, a lot harder than I thought it would be.  I am now fancying myself to be quite the warrior - and it is, literally, all that is motivating me to push through this grief in a healthy way.

I have stopped my group therapy.  The more that I am healing, the more I tend to find myself only wanting to talk about Dominic to people that I really know.  People that cared about him.  My sister says that it is okay for me to feel that way.  I am always asking, hoping to gain some insight as to whether or not I am being a total nut job about the loss of my son.

Katy, Christi, and Ray have all continued to be my rocks.  They are my heroes.  I really am so very grateful for them.  My mom and dad worry about my health, and I hate that they do so while they are also still grieving.  I just never like seeing my parents so sad or worried.

I could type more, but my battery is about to die.  I have no idea when I will write more.