After 5 months of frantically living day to day, I have felt as though I am finally lifting my head from being buried in the sand to see the world around me. Having a baby is hard.
I finished off last semester with 2 B's and an A. Not the best for me, but considering I had a baby 2 weeks before classes started - I am pleased. I am currently into the Spring semester and taking on a full load of classes. I am pleased to say that I absolutely love all of my classes and won't be nearly as bored as I was last semester. I, literally, did not study one lick for my finals last semester - I had never done that before; I was just so over it. I feel motivated and pumped to kick ass this semester.
I haven't been working much lately. I honestly have just been feeling 'meh' about work. I don't know why. I've played around with the idea of going back to Le Peep, but I can't seem to make up my mind. Waking up at 5am just isn't really appealing. Having a baby is work - all of the time, so the thought of going to work and busting my ass somewhere else just sucks. My current job is so laid back, it doesn't really feel like work; it just feels like a place to hang out and get a break from being a mom.
Christmas was good, aside from losing Stza on Christmas Eve. Molly was spoiled much more than I had anticipated. Glenn was home and it was so good to be able to see him again. He came over on my birthday morning before I was awake and cooked Ray and I my favorite Hawaiin breakfast. He made Loco Moco and peanut butter banana pancakes. It was so good. 12 of us later had dinner at Hana Yori then came back to my house to play board games. It was the best birthday I've had in years. I worked on NYE and it was a blast. It was the first time in years that I actually celebrated. I made a lot of money and got to hang out with some of my favorite people. The rest of my break was spent hanging out with family and Molly - it was really great.
I am becoming quite frustrated with my weight. I'm actually not real bothered by the weight more so than my flabs. My A1C was great the last draw that I had, but my TSH was not so good. I've doubled on my meds so hopefully that helps, I just feel like losing weight is so difficult with all of these health issues. Normally I can lose weight, no problem, so this is frustrating. I need to workout more. I am so damn busy that I find it difficult to make time to work out. Whenever I do have the time, I always feel as though I should be doing something more productive around the house or something. I need more motivation. Perhaps I should just start doing some workouts at home. .....it's just so annoying.
I met with a tattoo artist for my next piece. I am going to have Amber Olsen tattoo a custom piece for me and I'm pretty excited. I always feel bad at the thought of dropping so much money on a tattoo, so I never have gotten the fairly large pieces that I'd like to get. I've decided to finally start on everything that I want. I've seen her work before and trust that she will come up with something proper for me. I told her I want a Phoenix/Peacock bird. Phoenix's are so easily made to look ugly that I wanted to bring some qualities of a peacock with it. I want a phoenix for the symbolism of a re-birth, but also wanted to incorporate the meaning of the peacock, which is acceptance and openness. When Dominic died, I really felt like the entire process allowed for me to be re-born. And with that re-birth, I really had no choice but to accept it. With my acceptance of his death, I have made efforts to accept all of the things that I cannot change. This is very huge for me, as acceptance was something that took a long time for me to grasp. I have found a lot of growth through the loss of him. Amber loves adding flowers to her work so I told her that if we could incorporate April, August, and December flowers - that would be rad. That would incorporate Dom, Mo, Ray and myself. I told her that I'm into antique/vintage things - so we'll see what she comes up with. She said she's going to draw up 3 or 4 things for me to choose from. It will be a pretty substantial piece on my upper arm and full of color. I'm super stoked. Once we're finished with that I am going to finish up my chest piece. I plan to turn what I have now into victorian scroll and in a font close to calligraphy write, "This Too Shall Pass", I'd like a feather pen coming off of the last 's' in 'pass' - I'd like it to be grey and black and pretty clean and basic. My parents always said that to us growing up and the older I get the more relevant that phrase seems. Everything is fleeting. The good and the bad. It all passes. Because of that, I do my best to be present. I basically live by that.
I've been growing my hair out. Needless to say, I wear hats all of the time. I always feel like such a scumbag.
I'm rambling now. I should just go to bed.
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