Stza James 2002-2012

Lots has happened since my last post.  I am so very sad to say that our beloved Stza has passed away.  Though he was extremely high maintenance and expensive, he was Ray's first real companion.  He was his best friend and with him through everything for nearly 11 years.  The structure of our lives were built around him and though it has been a few weeks since he died, it still feels weird, a little empty, often lonely, and very quiet without him.  We came home Christmas Eve around 10:50pm from my Dad's Christmas Eve gathering.  He was lying there, on the floor, and looked as though he was seizing.  His body was going and we're not sure if his mind was still there.  We dropped everything and ran by his side.  We began crying in hysterics and Ray knelt down beside him.  He talked to Stza, telling him it was okay to go as I ran to the refrigerator to get his insulin screaming, "No!  No, not yet!"  I injected him with triple the amount of insulin he normally gets thinking that, if he was acting this way because of his sugar - perhaps I could get it down.  I knew it wasn't his sugar.  I told Ray I'd take him to the ER right then, and he continued to deny my offer.  I think we knew what was happening.  It all happened so fast.  There was a few minutes between seizing.  He laid there, so helpless.  Ray just talked to him.  He told him that he was his best friend and how much he loved him between sobs.  He seized again for a moment and, again, lost control of his bladder.  I knew what was happening.  His breaths got more and more shallower by the second.  He took his final breath.  He laid in Rays arms.  He passed away at 11:13pm.  I've never felt so sad for someone before.  I know Stza had the best life that he could possibly have, and that no other family could have possibly given him everything and I am not even sure I am sad for Stza, as I feel he is finally resting peacefully and not sick anymore.  It's Ray that I am heartbroken for.  Ours lives instantly changed the moment Stza took his last breath.  Everything became more quiet.  I miss him.  I know Ray misses him.  And I know Beatrice most certainly misses him.  He was a snuggly, barky little fella and our lives will not be the same without him.

I'll never forget you, guy.