I received a message from Carrie, his sister in law. She said she had bad news and needed to talk to me and to call her immediately. I knew before talking to her that he was gone.
My heart is sad. But I feel like he is finally able to rest. Finally able to be at peace.
I had never met anyone so tormented by their own thoughts, so uneasy in their own head.
He was one of the most genuinely nicest people I have ever known. He struggled with addiction for all of the years that I had known him. He could not find peace.
I remember the day that he overdosed in 2003. I had made it to his house before the ambulance. I was terrified. I stood in his living room as they carried his limp, cold body out of the house. I watched him as he laid on his bed in the emergency room. He looked like he was dreaming. I was so grateful that he survived.
I watched him sleep, what little he did, months after that. I laid next to him, snuggled in his arms and bed. He never felt at ease. It was too much for me. Whether I was too young, or just too strong to be with an addict that would not even let temporarily dying keep him from using - I could no longer be with him, day in and day out - watching him go through the torment of his own brain.
I cannot say that I am shocked that he died this way. But it is apparent that I simply cannot wrap my brain around the fact that he is no longer on this earth.
I have not cried. I don't know why. I am angry with him. I am saddened for him. And I am so very sad that he left his daughter behind. I cannot even imagine.
I just cannot believe this has happened. I just can't believe it.
So many people loved him so much. I loved him so much. I just wish he could have loved himself half as much as we did.
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