January 21, 2010 a blog about my last conversation with Art.

ood:  crushed

 Art called me today.  He doesn't sound well, at all.  Using?  Maybe.  He says he's "sick" and didn't offer up any information saying he had yet to tell his family.  He's been "sick" for a year.  I think he's using.  He says his meds are morphine and something along the line of oxycontin.

How do you know when a junkie is lying to you?  Their lips are moving.

Yea...

It is weird, however.  That what ignited this entire reunion is a bad dream that I had concerning him and his health.  This could be viewed as nothing spectacular since he's always had "health" issues.  But I've never dreamt of him before yesterday.  So why now?  This dream prompted the reunion and his voice on the phone sounded just as bad as it did 7 years ago.  When he was using.

He says he was clean for 2.5 years before getting sick.  And considering the medicine he's on, this broke his sobriety.

It's his excuse.  His way of reasoning.  His lies.

He's a lonely soul.  He always has been.  I just wish he could find it.  Find something.  Something to keep him sober.  I'm afraid his daughter hasn't even been able to do this.

This sucks.

Posted at 12:34 pm Link Leave a comment Edit Entry Edit Tags Add to MemoriesShare Track This

Jan. 20th, 2010

life is a learning process.

mood:  guilty

 I had a dream last night that Arthur Rose had brain cancer or something and was really sick.  I remember seeing his body lye there like it did when he overdosed on heroin 7 years ago.  In my dream I hugged him and he smelled just the same as I have remembered.

I woke up crying.

I really miss him.  I really miss a lot of, once important people, who just aren't around anymore.

I wrote him.  He wrote back.  It feels nice.  I never realized the friendship (relationship) I had brushed aside for a second chance at something that, ultimately failed.  I'm not so sure I should have sacrificed that.  Who knows.  What matters now is that I'm speaking to him for the first time in 7 years, SEVEN YEARS!  It's so fucking crazy.

There's only a handful of men that have loved me unconditionally in this lifetime.  He was one of them.  And I shut him out.

You live, you learn.  I guess....