Something came and saved me from my approaching "seasonal depression".  A day or two after my last post the temperature raised to 30 degrees and the snow finally began to melt.  I like to think Matt had something to do with it. 

I have only nine more weeks of this pregnancy and I can not wait to have my body back.  I dreamed the other night that I was no longer pregnant and showing off the fact that I was able to comfortably do push ups again to Matt and Angie.  Weird combining the two things, but I did.  I've had about five dreams with Matt and Angie in them for the past week or two.

I have been informed that "they" believe the cause of Matt's death was blood clots.  I'm not sure why, but this reason really kind of pisses me off.  Blood clots just seem so stupid.  I know he was in an accident and was on blood thinners and I know that blood clots can kill people.  But it still seems like a stupid fucking reason to kill my friend.  Clearly, I'm just still angry.  I want to go see Alice, but am hesitant that Matt won't come and my anger will only grow.  I know it may take a few visits, but I still am not ready to take the chance. 

Back to the weather getting nicer.  It makes me so happy to smell Spring.  I always seem to forget what other seasons smell and feel like when I am trapped in a different season for too long.  It's amazing how weather can affect one's attitude. 

Sleeping is getting increasingly worse combined with the vomiting acid into my mouth during what little slumber I get - is making me over this pregnancy.  Last night I woke up, wide awake at 1 a.m. for no apparent reason.  No reason other than the fact that Dominic was up and kicking and doing somersaults harder than ever.  I couldn't be angry, however, his kicking and what I can imagine - giggling until almost 4 a.m. made me a little happy.  I'd rather be tired from him having fun in mommy's belly than the vomit that just wants to escape mommy's belly in the middle of the night.  I'm pretty excited to meet this little fella.  I'm sure he will be quite the character. 

My baby shower is next week and there are a few people coming in from out of town for it.  It's all very exciting.  I still, however, can not emphasis how much I can not wait to get my body back, to get some sun, and to finally feel like myself again.  Well, as much as my old self that I'll have left as my new self emerges from this amazing little human being we've created.  I never thought I'd be that girl.  The one who bares a child and just thinks it's the most amazing thing ever.  But, I guess I am.  Sue me.